I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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