He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
