So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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