we're chasing vodka with high fives
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
