24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
