i can't believe i had my finger in that
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
