If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
