Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
