Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Come see our sink grown plant.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
