this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
