I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
