I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
