I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
