i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
