Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
