Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
