I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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