my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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