I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Boobs are out for the taking
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
