She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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