if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
