I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
