I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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