I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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