My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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