I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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