I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
