I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
