Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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