No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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