youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
