im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
