I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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