And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I could fuck to npr.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
