i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize