I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
