How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
