oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
