I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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