Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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