I wish I could punch you in the face.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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