If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
