just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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