now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
