I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize