As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize