Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
