love makes seman taste better
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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