I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize