Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
