He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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