On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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