my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
