what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
