The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
