I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
