Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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