You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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