i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
