Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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