I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
