It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
