my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
