I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
