He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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