I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
