guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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