I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
