hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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