Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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