Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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