I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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