I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.