and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..