You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
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I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood