her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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