I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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