i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
