we have pet lesbian snakes
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
