dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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