I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
And then he peed in my hair
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