what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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