I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
