I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You pole danced in your parka.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ladies don't puke and tell
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
