I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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