Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
