what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
