this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My dick has a subreddit
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
