I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
