Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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