We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
not ubering you a puppy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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