I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
